The short answer
For many couples, yes. Marriage counseling works best for couples who are willing to work with each other and with me, and who are committed to the work and to the relationship. If you are asking whether it is worth it, you are probably asking whether it will be worth it for the two of you. This is an honest answer, based on what the research shows and on how I work.
I have worked with couples for nearly thirty years, and the question I hear most is whether counseling will be worth the time and the effort. The sections below share what the research says and what working together looks like.
What the research says
Couples therapy helps
A large improvement. A 2020 meta-analysis in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found a large improvement in relationship satisfaction after couple therapy, compared with couples on waitlists.
What I take from this. Couples therapy helps, and the work you do between sessions and after they end is part of what lasts.
The strongest evidence comes from reviews that combine many studies. Source: Rod et al. (2020), Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, retrieved from PubMed.
More research on the approaches I draw from: the brain and emotional connection in Soothing the Threatened Brain with Emotionally Focused Therapy (PLOS ONE), a systematic review of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and a study of the Gottman Seven Principles couple program. The last two are retrieved from PubMed.
How I Work
Transforming relationships through the science of connection: integrating the brain, nervous system and biology of love to create lasting emotional security and intimacy.
Gottman Method
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Attachment theory
Trauma-informed care
Four years of advanced IBP training
As a PACT trained therapist, I integrate the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) with a multimodal, integrative approach that draws from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), attachment theory, and trauma-informed care. Grounded in what we know about the brain, nervous system, and biology of human connection, our work goes beyond simply talking about problems. We explore how attachment patterns, early experiences, and past relational wounds shape the way you connect, communicate, and respond to one another. Through moment-to-moment awareness of your emotional, physiological, and nonverbal interactions, we work toward greater emotional safety, deeper understanding, and a more secure and fulfilling relationship.
I also have four additional years of advanced training in Integrative Body Psychotherapy (IBP), an experiential approach, to work with couples on communication, sexuality, infidelity and more.
In session
We work in the moment. I pay close attention to the small shifts in your face, body and voice as the two of you connect, and together we practice responding to each other in real time.
The first session
I learn who you are, how you met, and how long you have been together. Together we identify what is bringing you in and how you want to make changes in your life to make your relationship better. We also talk about what a healthy marriage is: shared purpose, a vision for your life together, and the principles and values that guide the relationship.
Many couples tell me this conversation alone changes how they see each other.
Shared purpose is often the part couples had lost sight of, and naming it together is a strong place to begin.
What Counseling Can Do
Over the first sessions, couples often begin to:
- Talk about hard subjects and find new ways to listen and respond
- Notice the early signs of disconnection and pause to reconnect
- Repair after an argument and return to closeness more quickly
- Rebuild trust and closeness after a betrayal or a long period of distance
What If the First Sessions Feel Intense?
Many couples find that the first sessions bring up topics that were set aside for years. That is the real work beginning, and as these topics are spoken, couples often feel closer and more understood.
Along the way, I welcome your feedback, and we adjust together so the work fits both of you. A free 20-minute consultation first gives you a chance to see how working together feels.
How Long Does Marriage Counseling Take?
Every couple moves at their own pace, and the length also depends on your willingness and readiness. We review progress together as we go, and you choose how much support you want.
Your safety comes first. Couples therapy fits best when both partners feel safe and have done their own work first.
How to Decide
You can begin with curiosity. A free 20-minute consultation is an easy first step, and you can come together or on your own. You can ask your questions, share what is happening, and see whether it feels right.
I see couples at my Menlo Park office and online across California, including Palo Alto, and you can explore the full Silicon Valley practice, my couples counseling and my Palo Alto practice. You can also learn more about Azizeh Rezaiyan.
To begin, book a free 20-minute consultation or call (650) 206-9973. The consultation is private, and you can simply bring yourselves. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 right away.
Related reading
If closeness and desire are part of what you are facing, this blog post can help.
Explore couples counseling in Silicon Valley
- Couples Counseling in Silicon Valley
- Marriage Counseling in the Bay Area
- Marriage Counseling Near Palo Alto
- Premarital Counseling in Palo Alto
- Infidelity Counseling
- Sexuality and Intimacy Counseling for Couples
- Cross Cultural Marriage Counseling
- 10 Essential Skills That Build Deeper Intimacy in Marriage
Image credits: header photo from Freepik.
FAQ
Common Questions
Does marriage counseling work?
For many couples, yes. It works best for couples who are willing to work with each other and with me, and who are committed to the work and to the relationship. A 2020 meta-analysis found a large improvement in relationship satisfaction after couple therapy, compared with couples on waitlists. You can read more about couples counseling in Silicon Valley.
Is marriage counseling worth it?
Many couples find that it is, because they learn to talk about hard subjects, repair after an argument and return to closeness more quickly. The work you do between sessions and after they end is part of what lasts. A free 20-minute consultation is an easy way to see whether it feels right for the two of you. You can also read what to do if your relationship has lost the spark.
Does marriage counseling work after infidelity?
Many couples find that it can. After an affair, a calm, guided space helps both partners say what needs to be said, rebuild trust at a pace that fits, and decide together how to move forward. It works best when both partners are willing to do the work. You can read more about infidelity counseling in Silicon Valley.
When is the right time to start marriage counseling?
Many couples start when hard subjects keep returning, when closeness feels distant, or when a big change brings new questions. Starting early gives you more options, and starting at any stage is welcome. A free 20-minute consultation is an easy way to see whether the timing feels right. You can read about couples counseling and premarital counseling in Palo Alto.
What happens in the first session?
I learn who you are, how you met and how long you have been together. Together we identify what is bringing you in and how you want to make changes in your life to make your relationship better. We also talk about what a healthy marriage is: shared purpose, a vision for your life together, and the principles and values that guide the relationship. You can learn more about Azizeh Rezaiyan.
Which type of marriage counseling is best?
The best fit is an approach that matches you and your partner. As a PACT trained therapist, I integrate PACT with a multimodal approach that draws from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, attachment theory and trauma-informed care, so closeness becomes something you experience in the room together. You can learn more about Azizeh Rezaiyan.
Do you use the Gottman Method or EFT?
I draw from both. My foundation is PACT, and I bring in ideas from the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, along with attachment theory and trauma-informed care, when they serve your relationship. A free 20-minute consultation is a good place to ask how this would look for the two of you.
Can counseling save a marriage?
Counseling helps many couples find their way back to each other. It works best when both partners are willing and committed, and every couple chooses its own path. You can read more about marriage counseling in the Bay Area.
How long does marriage counseling take?
Every couple moves at their own pace, and the length also depends on your willingness and readiness. We review progress together as we go, and you choose how much support you want.
Can I come to the free consultation on my own?
Yes. The free 20-minute consultation is a conversation with me, and you can come together or on your own. Many people begin on their own while a partner decides. You can ask your questions, share what is happening, and see whether it feels right. The consultation is private, and you can simply bring yourselves. You can schedule it here.
Is in person or online counseling the better choice?
Many couples choose based on schedule and comfort. I see couples at my Menlo Park office and online across California, including Palo Alto, so you can choose what fits your week.
Do you see couples in Palo Alto and online?
Yes. I see couples at my Menlo Park office and online across California, including Palo Alto. You can read more about my Palo Alto practice.
What is a marriage and family therapist?
A marriage and family therapist (MFT) is a licensed mental health professional trained to work with couples and families on the relationships between people. Azizeh Rezaiyan is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) with nearly 30 years of experience. You can read more about Azizeh.
