Shared intimacy is crucial. It is the glue that forms enduring bonds.
Intimacy and Sex Therapy in Silicon Valley, California
Understanding Why Closeness Fades
Intimacy therapy in Silicon Valley begins with understanding why closeness fades, not with fixing behavior. Disconnection does not mean something is broken. It often points to unmet attachment needs, unspoken stress or strain on the nervous system. In my practice, I use attachment science and somatic awareness to help closeness return at a pace that suits you both.
Intimacy is more than physical contact. It is the felt sense of safety, emotional responsiveness and mutual desire. When partners no longer feel securely connected, the body can shift into protection, with withdrawal, tension, avoidance or conflict. Together, we gently explore the patterns beneath these challenges and work toward restoring emotional safety and connection.
What Gets in the Way
Changes in desire, mismatched libido, stress, parenting demands, medical concerns, unresolved conflict, or past relational injuries can all influence intimacy. Early attachment experiences and cultural messages about sexuality may also shape how closeness is experienced and expressed.
Rather than focusing solely on behavior, I help couples understand how intimacy lives in both the emotional bond and the nervous system. Through guided conversations and experiential interventions, partners learn to regulate reactivity, increase vulnerability, and create a safer space for desire and connection to re-emerge.
This approach is grounded in frameworks recognized by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
In Somatic Couples Therapy
Intimacy Is More Than Sex
Intimacy has many layers. Sexuality is one of them, and it is often the first place a lack of closeness shows up.
Emotional
Feeling heard, understood and safe with each other.
Psychological and spiritual
Sharing what matters to you: your fears, values and beliefs.
Financial
Being open and fair about money and decisions. You can give your partner everything materially and still be missing emotionally.
Sexual
Often the first place missing closeness shows up, rather than the cause of it.
Partners often pull back from sex when emotional intimacy is missing. One partner may feel they are giving everything, providing, working and doing the right things, while the other feels unseen and emotionally alone. Then both wonder why the bedroom has gone quiet. It is rarely about technique. It is about what has been left unsaid between you.
My work is relational and conversation based. I help you understand your relationship through intimacy in this wider sense, and from there we work toward a closer and more satisfying sex life. When something calls for a sexologist's specialist expertise, I can bring one in or refer you to one.
Where Are You Right Now?
Every couple arrives from a different place. Start with the one closest to yours.
We feel more like roommates
The warmth is still there, but the closeness has gone quiet.
Losing That Spark? Living in a Marriage Without Any Physical ContactGrowing Old Together: How to Keep the Spark AliveOne of us wants sex more than the other
Different levels of desire are common, and they can quietly build resentment.
How Your Dissatisfying Sex Life Is Taking a Toll on Your MarriageIs Your Workload Taking a Toll on Your Sex Life?My partner has little or no interest in sex
You are not broken, and neither is your partner. These pieces look at both sides.
Partner Is Asexual? How to Cope and Stay ConnectedGuilty About Not Wanting Sex?Sex has become hard to talk about
Silence often protects us from embarrassment, and it also keeps us apart.
Erectile Dysfunction and Relationships: How to TalkThe Intimacy of Being UnderstoodWe are recovering from an affair
Trust and intimacy often need to be rebuilt together.
Infidelity Counseling in Palo AltoDeciding to Stay: Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy After an AffairSex or porn has become a problem
Compulsive behavior usually points to something underneath, and it affects the whole relationship.
Six Ways to Overcome Sex AddictionLiving with a Sex Addict: A GuideHow Sex and Intimacy Therapy Works
Every couple moves at a different pace, so there is no fixed timetable. The work usually moves through three stages.
Understanding the closeness
We talk about what intimacy means to each of you, where it was strong, and where it began to fade.
Making it safe again
We build emotional safety first, help you each handle strong reactions, and make it easier to speak about desire without pressure.
Moving toward each other
We take small, comfortable steps toward a closer and more satisfying sex life, at your pace. If a concern needs a sexologist or a doctor, I can bring one in or refer you.
Not sure this is for you? Read do we need sex therapy, 3 signs it is time to see a sex therapist or who sex therapy is for. If you are married, my marriage counseling in the Bay Area is another way to work on closeness together.
Who Benefits from Intimacy Therapy?
Couples at any stage of life can benefit, from those feeling mildly disconnected to partners navigating:
My role is to provide a respectful, inclusive and non-judgmental space where both partners feel heard and valued.
Breaking Down Barriers to Intimacy
When attachment security grows and the nervous system feels safe, closeness often becomes easier to reach. Passion is not forced. It is supported by safety, presence and mutual responsiveness.
Take the First Step
You do not have to work through this alone. Book a complimentary 20-minute consultation to talk through what you need and see how therapy can support you.
Book a free 20-minute consultationI see couples at my Menlo Park office, close to Palo Alto, Atherton, Redwood City, Mountain View and Los Altos, and online across California. You can also explore all of my services on the couples therapy in Palo Alto and Menlo Park page.
What happens in sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a conversation. We talk openly about desire, closeness and any sexual concerns, look at what has changed and why, and then work out what you each want. We go at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you, and our sessions are conversation based. Not sure it is for you? Read do we need sex therapy or 3 signs it is time to see a sex therapist.
Is sex therapy the same as couples counseling, intimacy therapy or sexology?
They overlap. Couples counseling looks at the whole relationship, intimacy therapy at emotional safety and closeness, and sex therapy at sexual concerns within that closeness. My work is relational and conversation based: I help you understand what is happening between you and guide you toward a better sex life. When something calls for a sexologist's expertise, I can bring one in or refer you. You can read more about who sex therapy is for.
Why do we have less sex when we feel emotionally distant?
Partners often pull back from sex when emotional closeness is missing, because desire usually follows feeling safe, seen and valued. One of you may feel you give a great deal, while the other still feels alone. Working on the closeness is often the way back to a better sex life. You can read more in losing that spark: living in a marriage without any physical contact.
What can we bring to sex therapy?
Mismatched or low desire, performance anxiety, stress, parenting demands, health concerns, old hurts, or a sense that you have become roommates. Many couples come after an affair, and we can work on that with infidelity counseling. If erectile concerns are part of it, read how to talk about erectile dysfunction with your partner, and see your doctor too if there may be a medical cause.
Can sex therapy save a marriage?
Yes, many couples find that talking honestly about sex and closeness changes how they feel about each other, and change often begins once they start. Therapy gives you both a safe place to understand what happened and decide what you want next. A 2020 meta-analysis in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found a large improvement in relationship satisfaction after couple therapy, compared with couples on waitlists. Working on closeness is often the way back to a better sex life. If you are married, you can also read about marriage counseling in the Bay Area or how a dissatisfying sex life takes a toll on a marriage, or book a free 20-minute consultation to meet me.
Where do you see clients, and can we meet online?
My office is at 1134 Crane Street in Menlo Park, close to Palo Alto, and I also meet couples online across California. You can choose whichever feels easier to begin with.
How do I get started?
Book a free 20-minute consultation or call (650) 206-9973. It is private, and there is nothing to prepare.